This morning, I woke to the picture text below from my oldest. I got the giggles, then outright laughter, then I was laughing so hard I was crying and gasping for breath. He and I talk often. Last year was extremely difficult for him due to 3 concussions, 2 plays, and 1 packed class schedule. This year has been better… quieter. For him and for me, but there are still times of being OVERWHELMED.

I sat in my car pondering after dropping my youngest two off for rehearsal this morning. This year has come with added responsibility for me at work on multiple levels – having been asked to be part of the school leadership team and a union rep. I have a pretty heavy class load to boot. And I have the greatest amount of students with special needs this year.

So… why am I at peace? Why do I come home ready for the evening, usually with a smile and an expectation of quality time with my kids over homework, a family game, grocery shopping, laundry, or whatever the evening holds?

It’s simple.

In early September, when I was feeling like the college student – overwhelmed, spent, and hopeless – God began challenging me from multiple angles to focus on Thankfulness and Joy. Not in a forced way.

I started getting up in the morning, and, while brushing my teeth, staring at a piece of foil with the acronym G.A.S. on it that a good friend gave me the summer after my wife died. Gratitude. Attitude. Servanthood. G.A.S. Then I turn on worship music, and before my kids and I head off to school, we have devotions and a short family prayer. I feel bulletproof. And when things happen as they are want to do, I find myself handling it with more grace and ease.

Looking back at the meme, I realize it could be taken as manipulation towards parents to send money; I get that. But all I see is the reminder to focus on Joy and Thankfulness. My counselor just told me (as have many friends) that I seem to be in a good spot. I responded with No I am in a great spot.

Last week in class, I showed a TED Talk that has radically affected me: The Danger of a Single Story, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. She’s a current Nigerian writer whose novel was labeled by critics as not having “African Authenticity.” I’ve watched the video 3 or 4 times before showing my class; each time I’ve been challenged by Ms. Adichie’s quest to view places, people, and individuals by all their stories.

At the end of the video, I asked my students, “What’s the single story you know of Africa?” The answers weren’t surprising. Being at a T.A.G. school, I then asked, “What’s the community’s single story of this school?” “That we’re privileged, nerdy white people,” remarked a student of color whose family is far from wealthy. I let that hang a moment, then asked, “What’s the single story people believe about you?” A raucous dialog was reduced to the loudest silence as many winced at the question. “Don’t answer that aloud. Think about it while I share with you two single stories people have believed about me.” I took a deep breath, for courage, and said, “In high school, I was the abused kid from a poor single family. Many didn’t realize I was in 3 different bands, 2 different choirs, drama, and cheerleading…. Today, some have thought of me as the widowed, single father of 3. People are surprised when they find out I teach middle school.” There were puzzled faces around the room.

Sadly, sometimes I’ve believed this last single story of myself, but God’s been changing that focus through my year of gratitude (and I’m only 14 days in).

Today, a you go through your day, ask God to show you the people of whom you have believed a single story, and ask Him to reveal to you the stories you are missing. I’m positive the rounded view of these people will surprise you and warm your heart.

It’s the little things that can rattle us greatly: a flat tire on the way to work, when you’ve got a really busy day andyou’ve already overslept; the washing machine didn’t get started, when you’ve already used your last clean pair of socks and you have to impress someone today (a boss, a date, a ___ – fill-in-the-blank); or the laptop that won’t start, when you’re two hours from a big deadline and you can’t miss this deadline again! Panic rises. Blood pressure rises. And frustration leaks out (I hope the neighbors didn’t just hear me swear). Then you take a deep breath, remind God of your plans and His obligation, and attempt to wish it all away. But the tire is still flat, there isn’t a clean pair of socks anywhere, and the computer is still staring at you with that dark eye of a screen.

Ahhhh! It’s about all you can take! Didn’t God listen? Didn’t He hear you?!? Or is this His day off?

Then the darkness seeps in, rolling slowly at first. Maybe a tear leaks out, betraying your feelings of inadequacy. Maybe you swear again, this time in defiance. Maybe you throw your hands up in the air and walk away from it, trying to figure out what to do. But something’s following you. You don’t know what, but you can feel it. The darkness begins to close in around you. The problem begins to multiply like Tribbles aboard the Starship Enterprise.

“God! I can’t take this anymore! Are you listening?!? Don’t you care?!?” And as the last of those words fly unhindered from your tongue, you breathe in regret, guilt, and shame. It’s like when you were a teenager, having a fight with a parent; “I hate you,” you screamed in the face of the person who, just the day before, bandaged your heart with their love, soothed your pain with their presense, and made you laugh (or at least grin) with an inside joke to ease the moment. You cannot believe you said those words (either time), and the weight of guilt increases.

Finally, you pick up the phone to call a friend, a parent, or a spouse to ask for help. “Let’s pray,” is the response. ‘I tried that,’ you think as you roll your eyes. “Amen,” is spoken and you’re still spinning trying to figure out your next move.

Then you remember the AAA card in your wallet. You’ll be much late for work, but you’ll still get there, and you have the afternoon to catch up because last night a client canceled their meeting with you for today….

“Daddy, are these your socks? They are too big for me,” your youngest says, coming downstairs for breakfast, wearing the perfect socks you thought were in the washing machine. They are bunched around his ankles, and he’s wearing a giant grin and giggling….

You look the laptop over, one last time, to find something blocking the power button. It was jammed. Once the object is removed — whether it be chip residue from the late night study session, or a random piece of flotsam from having been dropped (or set) on the floor in the same study session — the button works again and the faint blue light begins to bring with it hope. You look at the clock and there’s still an hour and a half before the deadline…

Then tension begins to recede. “Wow! I got worried over nothing,” you say aloud. “It’s all going to work out.” Breathing gets easier and you begin to go about your day. As you take those first few steps, something niggles at the base of your brain. Did you forget something?…

Those are the times many of us brush off, failing to realize that our prayers were answered, the God of Creation came near, the Father picked us up – in spite of our questions and cursing – to remind us He never left, He’s been wanting to talk, and He’s heard every word.

I am so thankful that the three events above were years apart in my life, and that I was called not too long ago by someone in a similar predicament. I pray I don’t miss ABBA God when I find myself in another situation, facing something small, like those above. I challenge you to look for God in the little things, where He spends most of His time waiting to meet us. God is in the details everyday.

Have you ever had a day you wish would end because it is so boring, or so frustrating, or even so mean? Those days limp on two broken legs, holding on with such force you think the day might consume you? Throughout them, you listen for God, or for your purpose, or even for someone who loves you to enter the room, to change your focus, to heal the brokenness and allow you to walk, no run through the rest of the day. I’ve had many of those days, either from before I was married or after Amy passed away. There were a few during my marriage, but very few, and usually those days we were both bending beneath the overwhelming burden.

At different times in my life I’ve found myself on a journey to find peace or joy. Usually it’s when I’ve spent every ounce of strength I have and can’t even begin to think of “taking care of me” so I can take care of others.

This time around, I’m not spent, neither am I feeling like an overused, over-stretched dollar in a starving college kid’s pocket. Tired? Yes. But I’m getting sleep. Alone? Yes, but for the most part I haven’t been lonely. When I started to feel lonely is when I reached out in prayer. The answer, from many angles has been to play, to be thankful, and to laugh.

I’ve wanted this shirt since I first saw it in August 2018. It made me laugh so hard I was squeaking and nearly as purple as the shirt. My wife’s parents gave it to me for my birthday. Wearing it to school today brought so many giggles and outright laughs. Sometimes I’ve thought of myself as the “Rhino in the Room.” What I didn’t realize is that I’m actually just a chubby unicorn!

*So today I’m very grateful that God had an incredible sense of humor, and that He uses it to teach how to take care of me. Try laughing. You’ll feel sho much better. 😁🤣

If you know me well, you know I love birthdays. Most people do not relish getting older… me… well, I’m a bit odd! Thirteen days after turning 20, I had 3 different people think I was 40-45 years old. I cared then. I was depressed. I spent a week or two really bothered by people thinking I was TWICE my age. As I grew closer to 40, I anxiously anticipated finally being the age I looked.

Yesterday I turned 46. It started off at 5:00 a.m. (45 mins earlier than my typical routine). I wanted to take my two at home out for a Biscuits Cafe breakfast. We arrived, only to find the restaurant closed. Google said it opened at 6:30, so we went to Dutch Bros for coffee and returned. When we tried to the door, we noticed a new sign saying they didn’t open until 7:00 a.m.! Google lied. Plan B? Starbucks sandwiches with our Dutch Bros coffee, followed by Sesame Donuts! Many laughs were had as I drove the boys to school.

My day at school was inundated. “Happy birthday, Mr. Johnson!” Cards. Many dark chocolate with raspberry candy bars. Hugs galore! It was an extremely life giving and career affirming day.

When I arrived home, I was greeted…oddly. There was a coffee mug with a Starbucks coffee (Amy’s signature white choc., pumpkin, cinnamon dulche latte) sitting by my front door and 2 Amazon packages on the table; but that’s not what was odd. Both boys met me with grins (one having tried to convince me over the phone he was ill, the other who cannot keep a surprise having gone with hous brother’s plan). They led me to the kitchen table and turned out the lights. My youngest dashed out of the room and reappeared with a candle-lit, purple cake (inside and out). My favorite color. They don’t do surprises well, especially the middle one. When I stumbled on the information that the secret coffee gift givers were my oldest and a dear family friend, I was in awe. My oldest, in college a state away, found a way to be present on my birthday. I was truly overwhelmed.

As I reflected, I thought about my birthday party on Saturday. Amy’s sister and her husband pulled out the stops putting it together. I was really blessed. And Sunday at church, a dear friend gave me a large package of homemade peppermint patties.

My heart was full.

Sitting in reflection last night is when I heard His still small voice, for the fourth time in as many days: “You’re not alone. There are many people who see you, appreciate you, and love you.” Then He challenged me to a year of starting every day with gratitude.

Today, I’m grateful for “birthdays” like yesterday!

I’ll unpack the rest as the next 364 days unfurl.