An Epiphany re: parenting!

 

It’s taken me nearly a week to write this post. The epiphany has been a lot to digest and understand God’s lesson to me. It never donned on me just how much my kids are like me or rather just how suited I am to be their dad until the other day. I know this might sound stupid, but the epiphany is too big for me to let pass.

Growing up, there were many careers I wanted to try on for size. Some fell by the wayside, others were tucked into the Maybe bin, while others landed directly in front of me. Dropping my youngest off at his first cake decorating class last Thursday, brought about the epiphany.

When I was in first grade, I wanted to become was a trapeze artist. (Insert giggles here.) I read every book about Miguel Vazquez I could find. He was my hero. Vazquez was the youngest flyer in the Barnum and Bailey Circus at the time, and he was only a few years older than I was. In the third grade, I learned I surpassed most trapeze flyers in height and therefore needed to find another passion to follow. My hopes of being a circus performer were dashed.

Years later, during a move to a new house, I found a cache of spiral notebooks in which I’d designed many trapeze flyer costumes. That got me started on fashion design. I spent my free time drawing clothes, inventing fabric patterns and testing different ways to re-design the boring clothes I wore. By middle school, I stood out from the crowd with my Z Cavaricci jeans and my three quarter sleeve jackets by Guess. I was wearing Don Johnson’s wardrobe ala Miami Vice before the show was popular!

Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with acting and Broadway musicals. In high school alone, I performed in six different plays. I was even cast in a professional production of Left Behind, right here in Hillsboro, Oregon. Although I’ve only performed in one musical – No, No, Nannette! – one of my Bucket List goals since 9th grade is to one day perform on Broadway! By the end of my Sophomore year, I wanted to become an American Novelist, publishing at least three books a year! (No one told me I couldn’t reach for the stars in my dreams!)

Amy and I spent our Honeymoon in Disneyworld. We had so much fun, and fell in love with the place, that we began making plans to retire and work in one of the Disney Parks after we raised a family.

Shortly after our wedding, Amy set out to take a cake decorating class together. We’d been catering events from intimate dinners for 6 to weddings with 1200 in attendance. We didn’t have a lot in common, except a love for the Lord and for all things Disney; I saw an opportunity to do something together, even if it wasn’t something I really wanted to do. I ended up loving it. Within two years, we were winning baking contests.

All in all, I grew up with a significant amount of creativity trying to break out of me. What did I grow up to be? An English/Language Arts teacher by day and a superhero by night – but that’s a whole different story/post for another day.

Now back to my epiphany.

My oldest has a passion for Broadway and wants to write musicals. He’s written, directed, and produced a one-act play during his Senior year in high school. He’s written many short stories, blog posts, and even a chapter in my book: Good Grief?!?

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Micah’s first Caramel Apple pie

Over the last year, he’s been working on a musical with a friend or two. I told him I want a front-row seat when he debuts on Broadway and a walk-on part for the week following. He recently returned from a trip to New York City in which he had the opportunity to see Waitress, his favorite musical and the reason he’s picked up pie baking.

My middle son loves all things Disney, especially Tinkerbell and Peter Pan his mother’s and his favorite characters respectively. He also has a deep desire to do things other people would like to do; this passion offers him community with creative people. He’s dabbled at cooking, musicals, and writing because his mother, brothers, and I have all enjoyed those tasks.

Then there’s my youngest. At almost three, he crawled into my lap, arrested the remote control from my grip and changed the channel from Young Justice to Good Eats with Alton Brown.

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The sundress Isaiah made.

He liked superheroes but thought that the Food Network was a better use of his time. In first grade, he asked his mother to teach him her famous chocolate chip cookie recipe. She plopped him on the island countertop, criss-cross-applesauce, and placed a giant Tupperware bowl in his lap. Then she made him swear to always “quality control” the chocolate chips and other tasty ingredients. He’s grown into quite the chef, confounding our taste-buds with his cooking and baking creations alike. The summer after Amy died, my son’s favorite math teacher left the profession choosing to be a stay at home mom to her son and newborn daughter. To show his appreciation, my youngest created a beautiful sun dress for the little girl. When his teacher opened the box, she asked him, “Where did you buy this? It’s so cute.” She was speechless when she learned that he’d made it under the direction of his godmother.

It was an amazing thing to realize my kids were growing up as extensions of me, not that I live through them vicariously, but that we can go through life together interested in and participating in activities we all like!

Then IT hit me.

Amy was very creative and loved cooking, baking, Broadway, and Disney. My kids are each an extension of her! I see her face in their faces daily. Sometimes the recognition brings a face-wide grin to part my visage, other times it brings tears. I know many kids grow up to be something their parents never saw coming or something their parents were never interested in pursuing. I find myself very blessed to look at my kids and see the extension of Amy and myself in them. All three of them will go places above and beyond our dreams. It’s my job to support them and offer help…when they ask for it.

Incredible!

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During the afternoon of November 6, 2004, on a Choir Retreat with my students from Heritage Christian School, a car pulled up to the lodge where we were staying and out poured four of my recently graduated students. Having been on the choir retreat in prior years, the students knew where we were staying. They were giddy and began yelling, looking for me.

“Mr. Johnson! We just watched you on the big screen!”

After calming them down, I learned they had seen The Incredibles the night before. And they’d driven out just to tell me about it.

“Have you seen it yet, Mr. Johnson?”

“You’ve got to see it, Mr. Johnson!”

“We swear; we were watching you! Especially the car scene.”

“Don’t ruin it for me,” I chided them, chuckling a bit.

When Amy and I saw the movie, I laughed until I cried. The car scene truly was me. I drove a red Ford Escort at the time, and I felt like I put on a raincoat with wheels every time I went to work.

And that’s how my life as a superhero started. Because of those four students, I became the mild-mannered teacher by day, world-saving superhero by night. My kids even believed it (granted they were only 5, 2, and 9 months at the time).  My secret identity has followed me from HCS to the other schools where I’ve worked. Two students from different schools have given me original drawn/painted pictures of me as a superhero, both of which I’ve framed and both of which adorn my classroom.

Last night, to honor Amy’s birthday (she was a Disney fan through and through), the boys and I went to the pre-showing of Incredibles 2. I was probably the only person in the theater crying. No spoilers, I promise.

There was a summer when Amy worked and I stayed home with the kids. I felt like Bob Parr. There was a moody child, a “jump first” child, and a child whose temperament changed the entire household in a blink. It was exhausting trying to care for all three without keeping up with the housework. However, every time Amy called to check on me, I tried to keep the brave-everything’s-okay voice. She saw through it, I’m sure, but I kept encouraging her to go out into the world and slay her dragon. It’d been too long since she’d worked outside the home. Each night, though, I reminded her she couldn’t leave until Isaiah graduated. I couldn’t keep up with it all…especially by myself.

Amy liked The Incredibles. She would have loved the sequel. It portrayed her in the best possible way. Truly flexible. Able to keep everything going, and going well. And one step ahead of each of the kids.

Is it still true today? Do I have an emotional, brooding teen? Do I have a child ready to run into the fray without much thought to the consequences? Do I have a changeling child who runs me ragged? Do I suck at housework and suffer from a lack of sleep? “Yes” to all. Was my Amy-zing wife truly Mrs. Incredible? Yes.  Go see the movie. It’s an incredible homage to my incredible family and ever elastic wife.

-Forever in His grip,

Thom