Three years ago, I received this note via Facebook from my grandma. It popped up this morning. Why? Because someone at Facebook thought it a good idea to create a “You have memories with __ and __  today” popup for their users.

Although I hadn’t seen her in nine years, Grandma and I had a special connection. We kept in touch through Facebook and the occasional phone call. Growing up, she would often come into town to celebrate a special birthday treat – just her and I – near or on our shared birthday. I felt close to her. I spent many weekends with her at her lake house away from the city before she retired to Arizona. She introduced me to comedy music, musicals, and root beer. I even inherited my red hair from her. When I had talked with her last, Grandma told me she had just been diagnosed with stage four cancer.

“I’m not going to take the radiation,” she said in a calm voice. “I want to enjoy the time I have left. And I don’t want anyone to be sorry for me. I’ve made peace with God. I’m old. I’ve lived a good life.” She was so matter-of-fact. Then she added, “You’re a good dad, Thom. I’m sorry I couldn’t come up for Amy’s service.” I understood. She was in her late eighties and she’d lost a lot of her strength and energy.

Months later, at the beginning of May 2017 — just before Micah graduated from high school, I received the call: Jesus had come in the night to take her home.

This morning, I was processing it all again. Why? Because someone at Facebook thought a “trip-down-memory-lane” tool was a good idea. Most of the time, I eagerly click on it, not thinking about what might be lurking behind that link. This past year, I’ve been caught off guard by memories I wasn’t prepared to be reliving.

Today was…different.

Yes, I cried. Yes, I reminisced. And yes, I was mad, initially, at not having been forewarned about the drama linked to Facebook’s wonderful new tool. Then, God intervened.

“You’re a good dad, Thom.” It echoed in my head. Then, as I so often do, I began running down the list of reasons why it wasn’t true. This past week, I’ve fought with one of my boys quite a bit, struggling through HARD, battling through WOULDA-COULDA-SHOULDA, and droning on about THIS-IS-NOT-HOW-WE’VE-RAISED-YOU speeches ad nauseam. Par for the course of parenting teenage boys…right? Many times I’ve asked, “God, what am I doing wrong?!?”

This morning, I lay in bed, in tears. “You’re a good dad, Thom.” I got in the shower. “You’re a good dad, Thom.” It kept ringing in my ears. Over and over…until it wasn’t Grandma’s voice anymore. Stepping out of the shower, I realized the missing component to my parenting tactics this past week. Hurriedly, I shot a quick text to a good friend, admitting fault and asking for prayer.

“He gives us eyes to see, but it starts with hearing from Him. And hearing begins with listening. Open scripture and listen for His voice. You are beloved.”

I was soon sitting on my son’s bed, telling him I was sorry for not having approached the week with Spiritual eyes.

“I want you to know that I love you very much,” I finished.

“I know, Dad. I love you too.” Smile. Hug. Prayer.

I am so very glad God takes the time to line things up in ways only He can, to teach me how to be a good dad. I may not have the market cornered, but I’m glad I have a Grandma (and a host of many others still surrounding me in prayer daily) who believed I could become a “great Dad.”

“Thank you, Abba, for today’s Facebook memory.”